31st December 2013 - About 30 minutes to go and 2013 will end, 2014 will
begin. Now, I have made 10 resolutions and although I am not sure at all if I
can actually, like keep up. One of the most important that I have made is to
never allow myself to feel sad unnecessarily. After all, why invite such
feelings when there are so many things in life that will hurt you anyhow? One
way or another, you will be hurt by something. So why invite such feelings? A
lot of times, we can't help it because it is in us; we can't help being
negative sometimes, no matter how hard we try!
A number of things cross my mind today, and one of them is that why do
people let themselves to feel unappreciated by clinging on to relationships
that only gives them more pain? And I wonder why some folks continue to live in
the illusion that some people actually think of them as important even when
it's clear it is not? And yet, they consciously deny those who are readily
there for them, who's been there through the good and bad, through thick and
thin yet they look at the superficial things or little little imperfections
about them, instead of more worthy aspects?
I
am (in a sense) amazed by how people look at the shallow facades most of the
time rather than the qualities in a person that is surely more important, that
surely should matter more than anything else. Why? My three truest friends in my life, they are hardly what I would call "interesting". They are not the kind of people that express themselves freely, not superbly expressive nor do they make the best jokes but it feels rather "ordinary" being with them, yet special in a certain way.
Have people lost the idea of being friends? If true friends are people who simply gives you the most entertaining times of your life, then I guess just about every sociable person have tons of true friends? I once said, and I will say it again; I wouldn't want to have 1000 friends who can't even remember my name no matter how "fun" it is hanging out with them. After all, hanging out means to have good times but will they hang on there when the times are realistically bad? You decide.
No matter how people choose to deny the truth, the truth stays. Even if 99% of the world have no idea of the truth, it don't mean it is false. Simple fact. But I know, in the age of instant gratification, people usually can't appreciate what is more subtle and things that takes real effort to appreciate and feel grateful for. I was born in that age; 1984 but with the rampant technological advancements, the concept of "getting what you want because you want" has become some kind of social disease.
For a while, I thought I have met people who can accept the unconventional, yet time only proves they, like most yearn to be with the big crowd. Feeling left behind, and maybe it is a "normal" feeling just not for me. I was born this way, it's not like I am telling myself to be weird deliberately and to defy the crowd, the masses, but somehow it is in me to disagree and to not participate unless I feel moved to do so. Of course, most people find it hard to accept because they are not used to what's beyond normalcy, even though that word is itself severely, severely overrated.
Live life as it is, people will judge. People will make you feel unworthy, unwanted, but being eccentric tends to put you into such positions in the eyes of what society considers "normal". For 2014, I will strive not to long for the company of people who does not see me as someone that matters. After all, why? Why hurt yourself by letting people who doesn't care that much about you make you feel like you are not wanted? Believe it or not, if you really matter to them, you will know. After all, it is true that those who want you in their lives would make the effort to prove it.
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