It has been forever, since I last posted here. I guess I just sort of lose focus at times and get swayed away from things. This semester seems to be the hardest of them all, and yes, it comes as no surprise because it is indeed the last semester. I mean, what do you do when difficulties all come at once? Of course, we have to overcome it and not back away because it never solves anything, anything at all. The only time backing away is a solution is when you know for sure that you have done all you can and no matter how much more effort you put in, nothing will ever change. Nothing.
And to wake up 5.30 am four days a week is a challenge, particularly when you know you are indeed facing the toughest semester you ever had in your college life thus far and not to forget, at this juncture of your life! When everyone is way out of college and have been in the workforce for years, you are getting started and only almost on the way to ending it and yes, you want to end it well. Not just another high school failure who refused to try to beat the odds. Even if "beating the odds" sound too idealistic and far-fetched, it is hard to forgive yourself if you do not even try.
And yes, someone like me seems to be always linked with a troubled life no matter how small, there will always be troubles. Recently, I bumped into yet another crook and of course, as with many great crooks, he was well masqueraded as a gentleman, and again that reinforces the fact that "the best assassins always look like classy gentlemen who could not hurt a fly if they try to". As for now, I am only hoping justice will be served against these folks who think they can run away from being crooks, or at least I will do my best to not let them get away. Yes, I will.
People can disappoint you, no matter how much you think you trust them. But still I wonder, is it so hard to be true to someone? The way I feel, it seems really effortless to me although I am aware that people do have greed but is it REALLY that hard actually? I may not be the truest person ever, I do have my share of lies but I do believe in "ethical deliberate acts of imperfection". I mean, I read somewhere that an average person lies like four times a day so we can never say we are completely honest after all. Not in this day and age, and not if we are living in urban areas!
I realize a lot of people wants to have true friends, yet their desire for money, power, recognition and other materialistic stuffs sort of overwhelms their want for truancy. If someone who has a terrible past like me can actually not think of such, I cannot understand why people who lived and still live an average life cannot do that! Or even the privileged, although I can always say they are so used to living the way they do that they cannot make changes simply because they refuse to but I cannot fathom that. After all, we change whenever we want to and yes, it comes with great effort.
I like to think that in comparison with most guys, I have the tendency to be more sentimental in a number of ways such as facing "tomorrow" in a literal sense. Such as Monday tomorrow, I feel like I have this fear that I cannot face everything that comes this semester as somehow I long for peace, moments I can drift away watching the blue skies or something. I always long for moments like that regardless of how much time I have for them. And I tend to feel certain emotions that has its relations to the past, and yes, having lived a painful life, I recall them, constantly.
I have to be strong! Corny as it sounds but still, I need to and I will. No matter what the difficulties, there is no giving up unless you are willing to throw all the years and the blood you have given away just because you refuse to keep fighting. Even if you lose the fight in the end, I'd quote from one of my favorite films of all time, "I went out swinging, no one can say I didn't". Yes, Million Dollar Baby. Oh well, I have been swinging them punches all my life and I have no reason to put my hands down now because the only time my hands will go down is when I am dead, literally.
And to wake up 5.30 am four days a week is a challenge, particularly when you know you are indeed facing the toughest semester you ever had in your college life thus far and not to forget, at this juncture of your life! When everyone is way out of college and have been in the workforce for years, you are getting started and only almost on the way to ending it and yes, you want to end it well. Not just another high school failure who refused to try to beat the odds. Even if "beating the odds" sound too idealistic and far-fetched, it is hard to forgive yourself if you do not even try.
And yes, someone like me seems to be always linked with a troubled life no matter how small, there will always be troubles. Recently, I bumped into yet another crook and of course, as with many great crooks, he was well masqueraded as a gentleman, and again that reinforces the fact that "the best assassins always look like classy gentlemen who could not hurt a fly if they try to". As for now, I am only hoping justice will be served against these folks who think they can run away from being crooks, or at least I will do my best to not let them get away. Yes, I will.
People can disappoint you, no matter how much you think you trust them. But still I wonder, is it so hard to be true to someone? The way I feel, it seems really effortless to me although I am aware that people do have greed but is it REALLY that hard actually? I may not be the truest person ever, I do have my share of lies but I do believe in "ethical deliberate acts of imperfection". I mean, I read somewhere that an average person lies like four times a day so we can never say we are completely honest after all. Not in this day and age, and not if we are living in urban areas!
I realize a lot of people wants to have true friends, yet their desire for money, power, recognition and other materialistic stuffs sort of overwhelms their want for truancy. If someone who has a terrible past like me can actually not think of such, I cannot understand why people who lived and still live an average life cannot do that! Or even the privileged, although I can always say they are so used to living the way they do that they cannot make changes simply because they refuse to but I cannot fathom that. After all, we change whenever we want to and yes, it comes with great effort.
I like to think that in comparison with most guys, I have the tendency to be more sentimental in a number of ways such as facing "tomorrow" in a literal sense. Such as Monday tomorrow, I feel like I have this fear that I cannot face everything that comes this semester as somehow I long for peace, moments I can drift away watching the blue skies or something. I always long for moments like that regardless of how much time I have for them. And I tend to feel certain emotions that has its relations to the past, and yes, having lived a painful life, I recall them, constantly.
I have to be strong! Corny as it sounds but still, I need to and I will. No matter what the difficulties, there is no giving up unless you are willing to throw all the years and the blood you have given away just because you refuse to keep fighting. Even if you lose the fight in the end, I'd quote from one of my favorite films of all time, "I went out swinging, no one can say I didn't". Yes, Million Dollar Baby. Oh well, I have been swinging them punches all my life and I have no reason to put my hands down now because the only time my hands will go down is when I am dead, literally.
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