Faithfully 17, Forever... (Parte IV)

Once again, hell is over, for now. But who knows what is coming up next when college starts again? We don't know, and in a way I try my best to be prepared for it.  It appears I ought to be prepared for the next semester in a few ways; such as learning how to draw and yes, I got to refine my skills well enough to be qualified as a "decent "drawer". Does that make sense? Does it have to? Maybe not. Not that it really matters. And yes, even though I never was a fan of photo editing for real, I am starting to enjoy this photoshop thing. I can even say it is actually fun!

Writing seems more fun when I am actually NOT at home. Really. But don't ask me why because it just FEEL better when I am in the library. So what are my thoughts after receiving my finals result yet again? Well, again I have been over worried, so much so that I sink into a hopeless state where I was ready to deliberately yield. But, some very unsuspecting people actually motivate me and on the other hand, some people who are close to me actually further demotivates me. 

Oh well, life is always full of surprises you see. And yes, maybe it ought to be lesser a surprise. And is it just me or right now my interest in writing is not as intense as it was before? That also, shouldn't be much of a surprise for now. I mean, writing will always be a part of my life. Ever since I discovered my love for it, I realize part of me must write; otherwise, I am really not living at all. Even if it's just Facebook ranting or whatever. But of course, I can always be more productive than that!

I have been sharing all kinds of quotes on my Facebook Timeline, and yes, I hate this Timeline just like most. Well, if my computer runs faster than that I ought to feel better but that's the problem; it slows down everything! Oh well, what can I complain? Mr. Zuckerberg didn't charge me nothing for using his invention. Okay, so I guess I should still be thankful that it is still free. 

College has taught me that no one is ever too old to learn a new skill; okay, I mean you can't be 90 years old sitting on a wheelchair and wanting to build muscles like a 32 year old Stallone! But the possibility that is not beyond reach here is to achieve the best possible health even when one is wheelchair-bound. As for me, I realize I still have the mental capacity to learn new skills and even excel in something I never thought I could. Things that I thought I was dead hopeless on. 

And what is it exactly that I mean here? Presentation! All my life, I consider myself a hopeless case when it comes to doing presentation; that I would be lucky if I don't look like an idiot out there and just talk even if no one notices. But now, call it ego if you want; if I realize most people are not really paying attention I consider it bad even if I scored okay. Yes, I discover that I do have the skills needed to do a decent and good presentation. And I discovered it, when I allow myself to make mistakes!

I found out that I am a natural. The more I try to prepare and worry about doing a top notch presentation or even just an okay one, the worse I'd end up doing. When I allow myself to be free of any clutches, I unleash my expressive abilities and it speaks for itself without me trying to hard to find the words. It is just there; the words spoken are fluidly out of my head and for me, some of these ideas or words come very spontaneously. Too much of preparation doesn't work for me.

And my results were much better than I thought; 2A's! I was like, wow! I wasn't at all worried about Law as my grades have been really okay throughout the semester but for Marketing, I was worried sick; I needed at least 20/40 to SURVIVE. As my coursework was like half. But I got a B when I expect myself to only survive it. So my official results; Law (A), Research (A-) and Marketing (B). Happy I was, but still I know I can never be too proud as I was on the verge of quitting!

That's how harsh the last sem was, and of course there were many external setbacks that sort of contributed to the fact that I actually reached to a breaking point. What about the coming semester? It appears there are new challenges each time, and NOTHING is gonna feel the same like the previous semesters. Somehow, a part of me tells me I must be prepared to face setbacks that can be very harsh and crippling to my will. As it almost did me last semester, so I have to be ready.

It could be another betrayal, or even the untimely death of someone I love? Now, I hate sounding so bitter but it happens don't it? Just like the 2nd semester, the night before Finals when I was chatting with a classmate on FB about the main paper and yes, I got news of her young death that shatters my will into a million pieces and my strength at least for that night, dissipated into the wind like ashes of a forgotten man who lived his life in misery and sins, and alone.

I made it a point to practice drawing for about an hour everyday from yesterday from now on, yes. Whether it is my hobby or not I will make it as fun as possible, and I am gonna draw things randomly whether they are things in my room or something I can imagine and I won't say I am totally untalented in drawing but I think my skills can be further refined with more practice. Yeah, so I guess I can! 

Right now, what is my biggest challenge during the holidays? It is to convince someone not to to give up! And yes, it is tough indeed. I can't elaborate in here just what makes him / her contemplates giving up but still I have faith but this time, it is really up to him / her to be strong but as a friend, I will do all I can. I really hope no matter what he / she decides to do, I will always be there, all I can. After all, one should never forget the corny but evergreen phrase; that's what friends are for!

Unsurprisingly, it is also one of my favorite songs from the ever classy diva ~Dione Warwick.